


A goblin birthday party.

by underground_archivist



Category: Labyrinth (1986)
Genre: Crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-22
Updated: 2012-09-22
Packaged: 2020-07-30 16:17:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20100043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/underground_archivist/pseuds/underground_archivist
Summary: Jareth, the goblin king has secret that is about to comeback to bit him, its his birthday. The goblins decide to take him out to celebrate.





	A goblin birthday party.

**Author's Note:**

> Note from banshee, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [Underground](https://fanlore.org/wiki/Underground_\(Labyrinth_archive\)) and was moved to the AO3 as part of the Open Doors project in 2019. I tried to reach out to all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are the creator and would like to claim this work, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Underground’s collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/underground/profile).
> 
> All charecters are adults in this fic. It is not sexualy explicit, just rated it ma18+ cause I wasnt sure how far it will go. Hope you enjoy:)

  
Author's notes:

* * *

When an entire mob of goblins jump out of hiding places in a persons private chambers yelling "SURPRISE!" with deranged glee it is not generally a good sign, and since it was Jareth's birthday he was inclined to view it as an omen signaling the end of the world. 

_"How did the little runts find out?"_ he thought to himself and when he saw Didymus and Hoggle standing behind the clamoring mass of goblins, each wearing a smirk he had his answer. 

There was confetti everywhere, and a couple of adventurous little goblins were trying to climb him like a tree to put a homemade foil crown on his head. It had the words Birthday Boy boldly written on the front, misspelled and with a few backward letters. 

He didn't bother trying to fling the minions off, he just stood still and allowed them to place it on his head, he was too busy glaring at Didymus and Hoggle, and mouthing at them "I'll get you." 

Ever since Sarah had defeated him, Jareth had been in a funk. Hoggle and Didymus, feeling a void in their lives had decided to fill it by trying to cheer Jareth up, which of course was a calculated way to annoy him, punish him a bit, and amuse them selves all at once. Jareth was actually a bit impressed, it was a devious enough plot that he almost wish he would have come up with it. 

"So what manner of hell am I to be treated to tonight?" he asked the group. 

They all answered him at once, but it was a phrase he was not familiar with, "To the Titty Bar!" and he was suddenly being pulled along by the mad little fiends. He heard Hoggle and Didymus laughing behind him. 

They had dragged him through the city, and he was only dimly realizing all the goblins were adult males when they reached a seedy looking tavern called Strut and Clucks. He only had a moment to puzzle at the name before he was dragged in side. 

Once inside he got a look around and his jaw fell open in shocked horror. There were scantily clad goblin ladies dancing on a stage, a few chickens milling about the room and rowdy goblin males every where. 

He covered his face with both hands, horrified. He didn't know of a punishment harsh enough to inflict on the ring leaders of this little slice of hell, but he knew two things: He would figure it out, and he was not staying for this. 

Jareth began to turn and fight his way to the door, to find it suddenly blocked by the proprietor of the bar, who was stumbling over him self with joy that the king had graced his establishment with his presence. He was trying to make polite excuses and to edge around the fat little goblin when the throng of minions, who had dragged him to the bar, seized him and hauled him to a table. 

_There is no way out of this without killing the miserable little wretches. Damn! _He looked around, every where but at the stage and he saw a waitress making her way with a tray full of drinks. With a fangey devious smile he grabbed the tray from her and muttered his thanks, and set to drinking the mixed assortment of beverages. _If I have to endure this, I am going to make sure I won't remember it!_

Jareth couldn't manage to make his eyes focus. It had been three hours, and he had been drinking the entire time. He had even managed to enjoy him self listening the goblins tell brawdy stories, though he was adamant that he was not getting a lap dance, and any one foolish enough to try and force the issue would end up in the bog. 

Hoggle and Didymus had laughingly apologized for their hand in the evening, and admitted they went too far. Jareth got a bit of revenge by arranging for Didymus to received a lap dance, and he slipped one of the dancers Hoggle's home address. 

But the party was now winding down and Jareth was staggeringly drunk. The goblins wanted to head back to the castle to continue the party. They hauled Jareth to his feet. Hoggle had a moment of compassion for the inebriated king, and wrestled him from their clutches. 

"All right, all right! You have had your fun!" He gave one of the more persistent goblins a kick and dragged Jareth stumbling out of the door. 

"Goghel." he muttered. "I take back all the nashty things I've said to you."

"Well you haven't said many nasty things to me really." Hoggle stammered surprised at the sudden warmth. 

"Then I take back all the nashty things I've said about you to others." Jareth quipped and let out an uncharacteristic giggle. 

"Thanks." Hoggle said dryly and debated pushing the goblin king into a particularly grimy puddle but decided it wasn't worth it, settling for pulling him a bit roughly down the road. 

He led them to his own small house and unlocked the door ushering Jareth inside and pouring him on to his small bed. "Sleep it off here, you won't get any peace at the castle tonight."

Jareth gave Hoggle his most sincere and slurred thanks while trying to pull off one of his boots. He gave it good hard yank, and managed to tumble onto the floor laughing, holding the boot up in victory. 

Hoggle began to really regret having orchestrated this little plot, and helped Jareth back onto the bed, then off with the other boot. "Now, if you are inclined to remove anything else your on your own." He said sternly. Jareth nodded then regretted it, it made his head spin a bit. 

Hoggle made his way back to his door. Since his own bed was taken up for the night, and remembering that the grand finale for the evening was going to be Ludo popping out of a very large cake to roar the Aboveground song "Happy Birthday" Sarah had taught him, he rushed back to castle to let Ludo out of the cake and find a place to sleep. 

Jareth, was holding on to the bed frame, silently curising him self for getting so drunk. when he heard the door handle rattle. He assumed it was Hoggle returning until her heard a shrill female voice say "Ohhhh Hoggle! your friend gave me your address and told me I should come over for a night cap." 

The kings heart skipped a couple beats in fear as he heard little steps making their way through he dark little house. He sat up in a panic, he had to get out of here but she was between him and the only door. The windows were all to small to fit through, then his eyes fell on a large mirror on the wall ahead of him. 

This was not any mirror, this was one of his very own creations. It was a portal mirror, and he scrambled crawling over the bed. His limbs were not obeying him, and he managed to put his knee directly on his hand and trip himself up. He sprawled and tumbled off the bed, managing to fight to his feet and dive through the mirror just as 'Chuckles' the goblin stripper appeared in the door. "Hope you don't mind but I brought a friend!" was the last thing he heard her say before he landed on the floor of a strange room. 

"Oh thank the gods!" he cried in relief just as a light flashed on. He winced and looked around frantically, his eyes fell on the last person he wanted to see in his drunken state. Sarah. 

They both gaped looking at the other and at the same time said. "Oh shit!"


End file.
